Everyone has a story, everyone has a journey they’ve taken for one thing or another. Here is my journey so far in trying to lose weight.
I’ve always been heavy, or so I always thought because of my mother telling me so. I look back at pictures now and I realize I wasn’t that fat. I was a little heavier but I wasn’t fat. I wasn’t obese and I certainly had no reason to be hardcore dieting. I started Weight Watchers for the first time at 15 years old. I was a size 15, yes that is heavier than I should of been, but it wasn’t Weight Watchers worthy. I was an athlete, I was on the softball team and I was in track. In track I ran 2 miles on the first day without stopping. I’d say I was pretty in shape and healthy. But not to my mother, so I went to Weight Watchers, and I hated it. I was the only person there under 30, seriously. I didn’t belong, I didn’t fit there and I was miserable every week having to weigh in and be told a goal to meet for the next week.
This me at my high school prom and at awards night both my senior year of high school. I thought I was obese and terribly unhealthy, I thought I was hideous and wondered why anyone wanted to date me. I had the lowest self esteem and I look back now shocked at myself. I was beautiful! I looked absolutely gorgeous at my prom. I can’t believe how low I thought of myself because I wasn’t a size 2. I was also intelligent, I won a scholarship that night and I was well liked. I got along with just about everyone in my school and I was friends with people from several cliques. I had no reason to think so little of myself, but I did, because I was constantly being told to watch my weight. Hear something enough and it becomes your truth. Even if it’s a lie.
And since then the true battle with my weight begin, I rebelled I ate anything I wanted. I did not want to diet, which led to over indulgence and boredom eating. I graduated high school at a size 18. I went to college and instead of the freshman 15, it was the freshman 50 due to the intense amount of stress I was under. I left the brutal college after 3 semesters and I moved back home to go to community college for a semester. Another unsuccessful round of Weight Watchers. I was a size 22. I went to a four year college and graduated in another 4 years after a serious battle with depression. I was a size 24.
Next I ran a Weight Watchers meeting out of my parent’s basement, there was about 10 of us in the group since my town didn’t have an official meeting. And well this one was free. That lasted for about 6 months until I couldn’t run the meeting anymore and it fell apart. During that time I had lost 40 pounds by far the most weight I had lost in Weight Watchers, but at this point I was a size 24 and over 300 pounds. So 40 pounds was only a drop in the bucket and I didn’t keep it off for long.
Fast forward to several failed life choices, and a hard diagnosis of an illness in 2013 and I tried Weight Watchers again. But I was only physically there, I went to meetings but I didn’t diet or exercise. My heart wasn’t in it. I tried that for nearly a year and I was unsuccessful yet again. I stopped going when I could no longer afford the meetings. Hence why this time around I chose to make a simple lifestyle choice, no constant counting of points. No stressful weigh ins in front of people I barely know. I know Weight Watchers works for a lot of people. But it wasn’t the right choice for me, I would count points but I would use them all on pure crap and not healthy food. Size 26.
Now I am a size 28 verging on 30. I know I just had a major set back, but like I said on Tuesday a diet is a marathon and not a sprint. Back to the original goal, eating on the outer edge of the grocery store, limiting carbs, adding more fruits and veggies, and tracking what goes into my mouth. The binder for tracking didn’t work, it was too bulky and a pain to carry around. I bought a planner, still a little bulky but it accomplishes a lot more. I can use it to track blog posts, appointments, phone calls for jobs, bill paying and things I need to do for my research. Basically have my whole life planned in it.
On a sidenote, I had book club yesterday, the ‘Discourse in a Digital Age.’ Our new book to start reading is ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ by Margaret Atwood . This one looks really good and I’m excited to start reading it.